Walking and Dancing with the ego
I had an interesting experience this summer that sent me on a new belief system trajectory about the ego. The final outcome of learning from the spirits is that the teachings I have received about working with the ego in healing have shifted. It’s a dance, not a war.
I was supporting a very big ceremony (Vision Quest) with my brother. We were supporters in camp. We are brother and sister in song, part of an extended traditional family. We sing sacred songs together. There is a rule pertinent to another ceremony that is gender-based. We did not know it was in play at this ceremony. My desire to sing and support was strong, but was in a way that I did not know violated this rule. Ego-based, as all desires are, I “broke the rule” anyway. Shortly after this “transgression”, the reprimand came from the family elders. It was a big, upsetting deal to all of us. Tears and apologies followed.
Later in the week when the questers came down from the hill and were in lodge; one of them spoke their story. Great help and healing had come through the singing we did (during our rule-breaking session). Much power was felt and experienced through this singing, and the medicine that went up to the hill was exactly what was needed by that person, who had been suffering. It all made sense to me as I listened to this dear one tell their story.
What the spirits showed/told me about this is that the ego is an important ingredient to life as humans on earth. It has kept us alive and in constant inquiry –that is where many life- or conscious-saving questions arise. Perhaps more importantly and newly illuminated was how the ego moves us around in time and space to make us available to help with healing. Our egoic structures reinforce motivations that make us move around in time and space socially, and put us in places where we can do work. Yes, we move to the beat of our heart, too. And, the ego is often involved in the assessment and choices we make.
They (the spirits) also showed me in a more clear way than what I had previously conceptualized, is that the desire to “do away with ego” or quell the ego is almost akin to saying that we do not wish to fulfill the contract we made to be spirits in human form. Being human means having an ego that helps us navigate through the physical and social world. Saying we deny this ingredient to our humanity is like saying we might as well be pure spirit, which is not what we agreed to when we incarnated.
Healing and bringing pure information and divine power into ordinary reality DOES require that the ego not be projecting itself into this stream of light when we are being conduits of this light. This takes years of training and initiations in a process I call “personality purification”, so there are few intrusions of personal stuff in the hollow bone as power moves through us. It is a beautiful dance, of honoring all of who we are, and asking that the ego steps to the side in the process of bringing forth that divinity. To deny any of our humanity can cause soul loss, incrementally…another topic for later.
As time progresses, the ego in its original form has become somewhat imbalanced in its control over our lives, emotions. So we invite it to be just one of many elements in our walk. Bow and ask our heart to lead the best it can, while honoring all parts of the dance.